Blackburn Challenge: Sixth Sense

The Cape Ann Rowing Club restored the Blackburn Challenge course to its traditional 19.5 mile incarnation for 2025.  The results of last year's experimental choose-your-own-adventure race were catastrophic. While undeniably capturing the spirit (and length, in some cases) of Howard Blackburn's epic voyage, our collective navigational abilities were found wanting in the foggy waters off Cape Ann.  A half-dozen paddlers never returned, although some say that if you listened carefully, you could hear their spectral voices wafting through the mist ("Hey!  Stop auctioning off our stuff!  We're up here on the Beauport Hotel deck having mimosas!").  Three unfortunate competitors were so traumatized by their maritime experience in the void that they joined an ashram in Iowa.  I hadn't fared too badly, but was shaken enough by the experience to finally commit the complex circumnavigation to memory.

Last year's top trio of Ian Black, Ed Joy, and Rob Jehn would be returning, despite my aggressive lobbying to institute podium term limits.  Together with veteran Craig Impens (who I'm not sure is a literal veteran, but has definitely knifed some people in close combat), these guys already had 11 Blackburn championships between them, for pity's sake.  While I've also finished in the money a few times myself, I'd never achieved the kind of shiny success you can sink your teeth into.  Plus I'd qualify for a local boy exemption.  Clamoring to take a step up would be fellow Bay Stater Eli Gallaudet, who in just 2.5 years of paddling has made the dizzying transformation from up-and-comer to son-of-a-bitch.  I'd normally include John Hair in the contender list, but his non-stop litany of excuses eventually convinced me that he genuinely wasn't in fighting shape.  He's carrying those extra 130 pounds well, though.  And the two glass eyes?  Barely noticeable.

Before the race, Eli demonstrates how he will smite his opponents mercilessly.

All omens indicated that it'd be a fast year.  When you're hitting all points of the compass, wind is never going to be your steadfast ally.  Oh sure, you may get a stretch or two where you fall head over heels for a zephyr, but I guarantee she'll turn on you.  Your vows of devotion will turn to oaths of bitter frustration.  But today we'd have only a very light breeze, dying out during the race.  In this case, better to never have loved...  The outgoing tide would ferry us along for the first 7 miles - particularly in the Annisquam River - but would work against us for the final few miles.  Temperatures would be insufficient for roasting.  I figured it would take a time in the mid 2:30s to win, which meant I'd have to master temporal manipulation tout de suite to be a contender.

After dousing myself in sunscreen (because you never know when you'll lose your trousers), donning my silly hat (because I've aged into the role of that guy), and taping a few energy gels to strategically unreachable locations (because carrot and stick), I made my way to the staging area.  To limber up and give myself a shot of extra pep, I tried grabbing one of my gels before the start.  With the help of 3 other guys and an improvised pulley system, I eventually succeeded.  My calisthenics had cost me more calories than I replenished, but at least I shoe-horned a little more caffeine into my system.  

Twenty-five skis lined up and were soon launched on their way.  Within a few seconds, the top 5 paddlers had separated from the pack.  Fortunately, I had positioned myself amongst these 5 on the line.  Whisked along via the vacuum left by their instantaneous departure, I remembered wishing I had remembered to hold my breath as everything went black.  When I regained consciousness, I found that my lizard brain had managed the race pretty effectively in my absence, safely slotting me onto Eli's side draft.  That was one of my nicknames in high school, by the way.  Lizard Brain.  Also, Side Draft.  Weird.

I took stock of the situation.  Ian and Ed had gapped Rob and Craig, who in turn had gapped Eli and his parasitic sidekick.  Knowing that I'd soon lack the strength or willpower to make a token gesture towards sharing the load, I decided to get that shameless performance out of the way.  We were roughly 2 boat lengths behind Rob and Craig when I started my (ahem) surge.  Thirty seconds later, we were still in that same ballpark.  I scored this as a major victory and slowed (unintentionally, granted) to let Eli resume our shared pursuit.

Competitors from earlier heats were opting to follow the winding buoy-delineated channel to maximize the advantage of the strong tidal current.  The first 4 skis were likewise eschewing shortcuts through shallower water.  With 17 years experience navigating the treacherous Annisquam under my belt, I've learned one undisputable truth.  You can always convince yourself that the guy ahead is taking a terrible line.  Never one to ignore misinterpreted life lessons, I twice tried to improve on the route established by the ignoramuses in front.  Amazingly, these forays into uncharted waters did not end up with me beached on a sand bar, gasping for air.  But neither did they buy me any advantage.  The before and after pictures were the same - on Eli's draft.

While Ian and Ed had continued to widen their lead.  We third-stringers maintained a maddening position 2 lengths behind Rob and Craig, despite my best efforts to will Eli into bridging the gap.  At the mouth of the Annisquam, however, he finally relented and caught them.  The ongoing mental strain of serving as the conduit for all my race aspirations was apparently too much to bear.  I could see Eli straighten in the bucket as I released him from his heavy obligation.  Rob and Craig - neither lacking a robust poids-de-vivre (in a good way!) - could doubtless shoulder the load more comfortably.

We accept a certain level of risk when racing, but there's one peril that strikes terror into even the stoutest heart.  It hits without warning.  It's utterly debilitating.  And it will eventually happen to you.  Weed Delirium.  Like rabies, once you exhibit symptoms, you're already beyond help.  You're not slow because of current, wind, waves, fitness, balance, or fatigue.  You're slow because you have weeds.  Like being struck by lightning, this is something that theoretically can happen and merits a page 7 article in the newspaper (or, as the youngsters call it, "the what now?").  But you are not currently being struck by lightning.  And you don't currently have weeds.  At mile 4, Craig contracted Weed Delirium.

Since we had grouped up, Rob and Craig had been paddling more-or-less side-by-side, with Eli on Rob's stern draft, and me behind Eli.  From my angle, I couldn't see the tell-tale look of crazed frustration that precedes Weed Delirium, but Craig's sudden stop and subsequent back-paddling left little doubt about its dreadful onset.  The fact that he saw no weeds floating off his rudder was, of course, immaterial.  There is no cure.

Ian would have had a lonely trip around Cape Ann if he wasn't accompanied by his lucky cormorant, Cody.  (Photo courtesy of Mike Sachs)

Poor Ed had only the voices in his head.  (Photo courtesy of Mike Sachs)

An exceptionally strong paddler, Craig was able to sprint back onto the end of the 4-boat train.  When a boat wake temporarily disrupted our band of brothers, he leveraged the opportunity - moving quickly by me and Eli to resume his customary position beside Rob.  A little sibling rivalry, but nothing to upset the overall family dynamic.  Around 5.5 miles into the race, however, when our bonhomie was again challenged by a wake, I found myself unceremoniously disowned by my erstwhile clan.  Attempts to re-ingratiate myself - I wasn't above begging and bribing - were met with indifference.  I like to think that it was because I was already too far back to be heard.

I couldn't be too upset at how my race had progressed thus far.  Without Eli and the others dragging me, I never would have maintained such a pace.  Surely they had provided me with enough of a cushion to hold off John.  Especially if I pictured him riding low, water sloshing over the gunwales, blindly caroming from shore to shore in the Annisquam.  Nevertheless, I wasn't quite ready to phone in a 6th place finish.  If you can't paddle faster than your competitor, you paddle smarter.  And if you're not clever enough for that, you just paddle a different route.  This never works, but at least you're seizing the reins of your destiny.  Rob, Craig, and Eli were staying offshore, so I went onshore.  Bring on the destiny!

Shockingly, this "strategy" actually paid dividends.  Right near the rocky coast, I was able to find some waves to ride.  By the time we arrived at Halibut Point (a real puncture risk, given how closely I passed), I was abreast the trio - at least as seen from one particular angle, for which I include photographic proof.  However, because they were 100 feet further from the coast, I was unable to join them before we started our open water crossing of Sandy Bay.  Now that we were all paddling again in the same conditions, I started my inexorable retreat.

If Mike had only moved 20 yards to his left, I'd have been ahead of Rob too.  (Photo courtesy of Mike Sachs)

Mike told me privately that as long as I included a shot of his father, I could use some of his photos.  That's nepo-daddy Phil in the back, with long-suffering Rick setting the cadence.  And apparently aghast at something just out-of-frame.  (Photo courtesy of Mike Sachs)

Under normal circumstances, we'd have arrived at our denouement.  I had battled heroically, but now my race was run.  Let's just hear the results and get to the party.  But no!  Because in what should not be an entirely unexpected narrative twist due to shrewd foreshadowing... Weed Delirium.  Craig once again stopped abruptly.  I know when I've had the WDs, I mutter psychotically to myself - "Are they on me?  I feel like they're on me!  They're on me, aren't they?"  I wasn't close enough to hear Craig, but he successfully mimed the sentiment.

Thanks to Craig's inner demons, I again enjoyed a temporary promotion to 5th place.  Crossing Sandy Bay I favored an outside line, while Rob and Eli stayed well off to my right.  When Craig inevitably powered up again, he chose my route.  We paddled beside one another for a while, during which time it was all I could do to refrain from poking the bear with "What's that you have dragging from your rudder?"  After all, I'd have to eventually see Craig on dry land and I can't run as fast as I used to.

Mary Beth and Jean were so well synchronized that they shared a paddle.  (Photo courtesy of Mike Sachs)

Just prior to Straitsmouth, Craig started to move ahead.  Aided again by a tight line along the shore, I was able to keep him within perhaps a half-dozen boat lengths for the next couple of miles.  The long, open crossing to the Back Shore, however, spelled my doom.  Craig pulled away, ultimately putting 2.5 minutes on me by the finish.  The remainder of my voyage was relatively uneventful, with occasional jolts of adrenalin fueled by finding myself imprudently close to shoals - it was hard to give up my successful coast-hugging lifestyle.  The final couple of miles across Gloucester Harbor were typically boisterous, but I avoided any close encounters with homicidal powerboats.

Let's allow a few incredible finish photos speak for themselves. 

I don't know if the 'stache make Rob any faster, but it definitely makes him 15% cooler.  (Photo courtesy of Mike Sachs)

We keep telling Eli that he doesn't need to turn his head to breathe, but he had one too many swimming lessons as a kid.  (Photo courtesy of Mike Sachs)

Craig looking intimidating, but with a glimmer of the madness still in his eyes.  (Photo courtesy of Mike Sachs).

Even a hack can appear competent when frozen in time.  (Photo courtesy of Mike Sachs)

I couldn't help interrupting a little.  Nearly 20 miles of all-out paddling takes a toll even on the strongest athletes, as shown in these post-finish shots.

These guys left everything on the water.  (Photos courtesy of Mike Sachs)

Holy Hell!  What happened here?  Best guess - this geezer was buried at sea 80 years ago and some shaman reanimated his corpse for the race.  (Photo courtesy of Mike Sachs.  Thanks, Mike.)

My time of 2:49:35 put me just a scooch behind Ian's winning time of 2:35:42.  Two scooches, maybe.  Ian and Ed had duked it out for a few miles of the race before separating, with Ed finishing 2nd at 2:37:33.  Ed won this race back in 1996, so it's heartbreaking to see how he's let himself go in the intervening 29 years.  Rob and Eli were even coming around the Dog Bar, but Rob had the superior harbor cruise to take 3rd.  Stacy Wu was the first woman across the line, in an impressive 3:01:39.  The local team of Bernie Romanowski and Andrew Metz claimed the double's crown.  Andrew's been out there fighting the good fight lately, so it's gratifying to see him get an unqualified win.  Bernie I couldn't give a fig about.

The super-podium consists of exactly as many people as needed to get me on it.

Even ice cream couldn't erase the bitter taste of yet another loss to Rob.

Once again, I wrote too slowly for anyone to register for this coming Sunday's Bay State Games Paddling Competition, but do me a favor and put it on your calendar for 2026.  I'll get credit for the referral.  For those of you who prefer your water fresh and flat, the USCA Nationals are coming up August 7-10 on the Connecticut River in Northfield, Massachusetts.  Looks like we'll have a field of heavy hitters for the unlimited kayak race on the 8th.  On August 23, you can choose your poison - the rescheduled Sakonnet Race (Sakonnet inlet, Portsmouth, Rhode Island), The Trojan (Hudson River, Athens-to-Troy, New York), or The Penobscot Passage (Penobscot River, Bangor, Maine).  See you there.  Or there.  Or there.

Run of the Charles: Slip Sliding Away

Although technically a flatwater paddling race, the Run of the Charles is better known as a demonstration of just how miserable New England weather can be in late April.  I must say, the organizers didn't exactly knock it out of the park this year.  Winds gusting to 20 mph, 48 degrees, and intermittent rain?  Please.  In some past ROTCs, I've had to swerve to avoid ice fisherman.  We still grumbled about the conditions, of course, but our hearts weren't into it.  Here's hoping we can return to dry suits, balaclavas, and fur-lined undergarments in 2026.

Since Mary Beth and Bill Kuklinski were compelled by Family Court to paddle their joint-custody double together, we decided to car pool down.  Despite being a frequent (and deserving) target of this blog, Bill is a treasured member of our dysfunctional racing community - due in no small part to his infectious malaise-de-vivre.  When I first met Bill 15 years ago, I was roughly half his age.  Somehow I now find myself 94% as old.  I knew that D- in algebra would come back to haunt me.  As a result, I share his geezer-dom.  On the trip down, I was shocked to discover that instead of rolling my eyes, I was nodding my head in sympathetic agreement as he droned on about his distended spleen and squeamish tendons.  I even pitched in my own anecdote about luminescent bowel movements (don't judge - it's a thing).  If my math is correct, in another few years I'll actually be older than Bill.  I just hope I remember him when he comes to visit me at the Old Paddler's Home.

Bill was downright giddy after I showed him that his "pocket mirror" had a power button.

The Run of the Charles now offers 3, 6, and 9 mile courses for individual boats, and a 14 mile team relay.  There was no shortage of old-timers lamenting the loss of the erstwhile 19 and 24 mile courses, with a few particularly crochety racers - perhaps addled by one too many paddle whacks to the melon - wistfully recalling the original 67 mile course that started in a Dunkin' Donuts a good 8 miles "upstream" of the source of the Charles, and included a lengthy portage down Route 495 South.  Despite never having paddled anything other than the 6 mile course, I couldn't help but agree that things were better in the old days.  Back when the course actually felt like 6 miles, rather than twice that.  Objectively, the route heads downriver for a half-mile before turning on the Eliot Bridge, followed by a 3 mile upstream jaunt to a turn buoy, culminating in a 2.5 mile leg back to the finish.  My GPS never seems to track the subjective detours, but that doesn't make them any less real.

The field comprised roughly 40 boats, most of which were kayaks.  Although Mike Florio wasn't originally registered for the race, he replaced a competitor who had to cancel at the last minute.  Nobody seemed willing to step up and sabotage his boat, so he entered as the clear favorite.  Paddling a K-2, the wildcard pairing of Hank Thorburn & Orion Fleming threatened north-of-the-border trouble, however.  MA border.  From #23 and #14, not #51, despite their polite and friendly demeanors.

Leslie's warm-up regimen may explain why she couldn't seem to paddle a straight line in the race.

At the other end of the spectrum, after his 7th packet of Gatorade's new Slurp-o-Caffeine, I could literally see Wesley's heart beating.

Of course, it's important that I minimize the accomplishments of my competitors - particularly if they finish ahead of me.  Keeping in mind that this is definitely not foreshadowing, let's discuss Eli Gallaudet.  Since joining our Tuesday night Salem League in 2023, Eli has been threatening to overthrow the old guard - Matt Drayer and myself.  We were apparently concentrating a little too much on Eli, since Bernie Romanowski has since usurped us - but that's beside the point.  In any event, as a mentor to the eager youngster (don't worry, I tell myself, he'll soon be my age), I thought I should pass on some paddling tips.  Finding my Warehouse of Surfski Wisdom had been mysteriously emptied, I instead turned to my Basement of Exercise Equipment and lent him my moth-balled paddling erg last fall.  Let it gather dust at Eli's instead of cluttering up my house, I figured.  Naively.  Still not foreshadowing.

In last year's race, I futzed around on shore too long, got tied up in the launch queue, and missed the start.  Determined to avoid the same mistake, I got on the water early Friday morning, leaving me ample futzing time.  After a couple of nights of fitful rest, I lined up with a couple dozen latecomer competitors in the first wave.  Over the megaphone, the starter intoned "One minute warning!", followed after the appropriate delay with "Start in 15 seconds on the siren!".  Wait.  That's not quite right.  Let me try again.  "Start in 15 seconds on the [sound of siren, overlapping the word 'siren']!"  I was momentarily baffled by the mixed message, wondering if this was just a demonstration of the siren.  Figuring that a false start was preferable to another late start, however, I went with the former.  Fortunately, this proved to be the general consensus.  We were off - a good 12.5 seconds ahead of schedule.

I had lined up between Eli and Hank & Orion, with Mike on the other side of the double.  The four of us got clean starts and quickly moved into the lead.  We managed to break with the rest of the field after about a quarter mile.  Mike was in the lead, followed by Hank & Orion, me, and Eli.  Approaching the downriver turn at Eliot Bridge, Eli made a smart passing move on the inside.  Given that my V14 with a small river rudder has the turning radius of a locomotive, I was glad to find that bridge construction forced us to loop around via the two outermost arches.  Such a gentle turn allowed me keep in contact with the leaders without derailing.

Shortly after the turn, Mike started to pull away.  When it became clear that the double wouldn't be able to respond to Mike's move, Eli passed them, but he too was unable to latch onto Mike.  I usually avoid drafting out-of-class boats, even though the ROTC (nor most other local races) has any drafting rules.  It's a rare point of honor.  But when you find an out-of-class vessel is between you and the in-class boat you want to be drafting... Well, it's not so much that you "compromise" your ethical code as add a codicil detailing acceptable extenuating circumstances.  The compromise comes when Eli pulls away from Hank & Orion and you continue to draft the double.  And, technically, that's not so much a "compromise" as a well-considered excision of the ludicrous clause regarding out-of-class drafting.

After a mile or so receiving completely legal and morally sound support from Hank & Orion, our lines would diverge slightly and then re-converge as we serpentined upstream and upwind.  Although there were stretches where it was impossible to avoid the demoralizing headwind, in other areas you could tuck close to the north shore to find relative peace.  When you weren't dodging submerged trees and ducking under low branches.  Eli continued to open the gap on our pursuit team, while Mike was in danger of disappearing entirely from view up in the lead.

With a half-mile to go before the upstream turn, I dropped the double via sheer willpower.  I don't mean that I used an iron resolve to dig deep enough to pull up a lung.  No.  I mean, I thought "Sure wish I could pull away from these spuds!" and, voila, that's what happened.  No extra physical effort required, and, to be quite honest, I can't say much psychic energy was expended either.  After the race, Hank suggested that they had snagged something on their rudder at this point, but the exact mechanism whereby my otherworldly power manifested itself is immaterial.  Unfortunately, subsequent attempts to exploit this ability to catch Eli and to accomplish various household chores (don't want to start too extravagantly) have revealed that my reality-bending capabilities need some honing.

At the turn, Eli was perhaps 30 seconds ahead - a lead he had extended to 45 seconds by the time I  completed my own semicircular riverbank-to-riverbank survey.  Once finally heading in the right direction, I was excited for the next push.  With a teeth-crushing effort, perhaps I could edge out Eli!  And for the final 2.5 miles of the race, we'd be heading downstream with the stiff wind now whisking us along at a breakneck pace.  You can imagine my disappointment when I discovered that instead of getting on the Valhalla Blitz rollercoaster, however, I had been inadvertently shunted onto Mr. Plumpy's Caterpillar kiddie train.  Sure, I enjoyed the bright colors flashing before my eyes and I only vomited twice, but I lost any hope of transmuting my bronze into silver.  Afterwards, a number of competitors confessed sheepishly to also getting on the wrong ride.

I'm wasn't sure exactly what Jim did to work Igor into a murderous rage, or why he decided to take it out on me, but I didn't stick around to find out.

Mike handily won the race at 51:01, despite misjudging the upcoming river bends a few times, thereby graciously providing the rest of us with a distance handicap.  Eli was a couple minutes behind, a little over a minute ahead of me.  Leslie Chappell was the women's champ, while Hank & Orion won the double's race (although the Mary Beth & Bill were the first surfski).  In the 9 mile race, Rob Flanagan was the repeat gold medalist, paddling Timmy Shields' Mohican in honor of the friend we lost last summer.

With another Run of the Charles in the books, it's time to start dreaming of the Essex River Race.  Only to then wake with a start, realizing that it was all just a dream.  Banned again from that gentle estuary, we must search elsewhere for satisfaction.  For anyone looking to extend their river-based exploration of the Boston suburbs, the Mystic River Herring Run and Paddle is coming up on May 18.  After that, Wesley fires up the open water season with the Sakonnet River Surfski Race on June 7.

ICF World Championships: Last Chance

It's not every day that you get invited to compete in a world championship, but that's the enviable position I found myself in when my buddy/nemesis, Matt Drayer, told me he was going to the ICF Canoe Ocean Racing World Championships in Madeira, Portugal.  OK, that's not technically an invitation, but when I asked if I could tag along, he made the mistake of grimacing without also verbally forbidding it.  For the past couple of years, Matt has been tirelessly promoting surfski racing from within the bowels of the American Canoe Association (ACA).  In addition to establishing a nationwide point series (I'm currently ranked ridiculously high at #17, with Matt slightly ahead of me - two clear indications that the algorithm may need some tweaking), he was instrumental in greasing the skids for US paddlers to race at the 2024 Champs.

Keep in mind that a normal race report that encompasses a span of 4 hours or so, including pre- and post-race coverage, weighs in at, say, a dozen paragraphs.  If you're lucky.  We spent 8 days in Madeira, which means that I'd be legally justified in generating 576 paragraphs here.  So rather than moaning about the length (or lack of character development), maybe instead be thankful there's only 30.  Or just look at the pictures.

Like its more famous cousin, the Azores, the island of Madeira is an "Autonomous Region" of Portugal.  I'm not sure exactly what that term means, but based on the disappointing lack of debauchery I saw, it definitely doesn't provide residents with carte blanche to flout society's norms.  Scarcely 30 miles from end to end, Madeira lies several hundred miles off the coast of Morocco.  Up until the early 2000s, when Cristiano Ronaldo took over the mantle, its most famous export was Madeira wine - a sweet fortified wine (like sherry or port), more familiar in the states under its brand name, Robitussin.  The island's rugged and beautiful terrain has led at least one wit to call Hawaii the "Madeira of the Pacific".  Race headquarters would be in the capital city of Funchal, which is rests precariously on whatever flat land could be carved into the sides of the island's mountains.

The ACA selected a crack team of open water paddlers using a complex vetting procedure which, in retrospect, relied perhaps a little too heavily on the members being able to navigate ICF's Byzantine competitor requirements and the wherewithal to cough up enough cash for the trans-Atlantic trip (with, shockingly, absolutely no refund for the 400-some miles of ocean left before Africa).  Our eight-person team would consist of Nick Murray (MI), Zach Handler (MN), Jonathan Sanborn (MN), Greg Greene (WI), Borys Markin (HI), Matt (MA), Ana Swetish (WA), and myself (MA).  Jan Lupinski (NY) would actually be competing for his native Poland, but should he perform well enough, ACA agents would swoop in, throw Jan into the back of an unmarked van (with, I hope, more than necessary brutality), and whisk him back onto the American team.  Even counting only our sanctioned members, however, we had unimpeachable open water bona fides.  Collectively, we could claim podium finishes in the last 5 Gorge Downwind races, including wins in 2021 and 2024.  Given this pedigree, the US team had a legitimate chance at bringing home a world championship.

The first wave of Americans came in hot, with a real bad-ass vibe.

Race headquarters in Funchal.  Instead of focusing on the vibrant blue sea, the beautiful city sprawling up the slopes, or the bustling activity of the marina, you should probably be paying more attention to those yellow barriers, lest you smash your toes into one of them on Wednesday.

Admittedly, most of the pressure rested on the shoulders of 22 year old Ana.  Between the 7 men on the team, we could claim a modest number of top 50 Gorge finishes, but breaking the top 100 at the Worlds would be about the best we could hope for.  Given our elder status - ranging from "mature" to "over-ripe" - we had no choice but to focus on age-group placement.  Unfortunately, my efforts to convince the ICF to narrow those ranges to 3 month intervals were met with indifference.  So it'd have to be 55-59 for me.

Since Epic wasn't offering rentals in Madeira, I procured a Nelo 540 - a boat roughly comparable to my V10 Sport in stability, but considerably more spry in downwind conditions.  In the week preceding the trip, I borrowed a sample 540 from local paddler Andrew Metz, so that I wouldn't be going blind into the Champs.  I found it to be a fine ocean boat, although so nimble compared to my Epics that oversteering was an issue.  In one rough-water practice session, I stomped on the right rudder, snapped sideways, and completed three rolls before I realized I was out of the boat.

The day we left for Madeira on a red-eye, I competed in my own race (the Salem Sound Spectacular - get your tickets now for next year's extravaganza!) using the 540.  During this event, I was hit in the face with a paddle (my own, naturally), lost my GPS, and struggled to stay within the same time zone as the leader.  Perhaps this wasn't the ideal send-off for my first competitive foray into international waters, but I refused to read any ominous portents into the disastrous race.  Nor draw any empirically-based, rational conclusions about my general lack of preparedness to compete at the highest level.  So it was off to Madeira with high hopes and a buoyant heart!

Perhaps due to some misunderstanding about US geography, I was assigned to the Midwest barracks in Funchal.  Although the mattresses were standard military issue (that is to say, somewhere between "extra firm" and "concrete"), the accommodations were otherwise stunning - a modern six bedroom house with ocean views, numerous verandas and patios, a pool, and an inscrutable coffee machine.  I'd be sharing quarters with Nick, Greg, Zach, and Jon - a battle-hardened squad that had seen many raw recruits come and go.  They were understandably wary of  welcoming an embedded blogger into their midst, but given that the Sarge was an inveterate podcaster, I felt like I had a leg up.  Surely there was enough commonality between Nick's thoughtful examination of the sport and my hyperbolic confabulations to forge a brother-in-arms bond.  I also shared a deep connection with Greg - he is my business partner's wife's sister's husband's brother.  We had endless foxhole discussions of the one person in the middle of that chain whom we both would be able to pick out of a police line-up (which Mary Greene probably should have thought of before her Greg-specific crime spree).

Mary Beth and I arrived in Madeira on Sunday, on the same flight as Nick and Zach.  We proceeded to race headquarters at the marina to check-in and grab our rental boats.  Greg and his wife, Lori, would arrive a couple of hours later.  Jon was lost by baggage handlers and wouldn't end up reaching the island until Tuesday.  Everything went smoothly enough at HQ, but I was shaken by a terrible wonder I beheld in the launch staging area.  I'm speaking, of course, of a shirtless Gordan Harbrecht.  The soon-to-be World Champion (oops - spoiler alert) appeared to stand just north of 8 feet tall, with a physique ripped from mythology and the square-jawed visage of a Patagonia model.  I tried futilely to avert my eyes from the German's blinding aura, but instead remained mesmerized and slack-jawed - dumbfounded that we could even be the same species, let alone competing against one another in just a few days.  After a brief hospitalization, Mary Beth, of course, lapsed into a deep depression.

This was about as close as I could get to Gordan without suffering 3rd degree burns.

Nick, Zach, Greg, and I took our boats out for initial shake-downs - due to a limit of rental brand availability, none of us were in our usual skis.  Within minutes of departure, we found ourselves bouncing around in an amusement park ride courtesy of the side thrusters of an enormous Princess Cruise ship.  The 540 held up well.  We proceeded with an out-and-back run down the coast, during which I assessed my competition.  Oh sure, we were ostensibly on the same team.  And yeah, I did also really want to beat that one guy from Switzerland.  But let's face it, we all base our self worth 100% on how we stack up against our friends.  Based on past experience, my ego was about to take another big hit.  In my 3 years at the Gorge, I was a combined 1-16 in head-to-head match-ups with Team USA members.  In true downwind conditions, I was hands-down the worst.  However, at least in the upwind portion of this leisurely paddle, I wasn't embarrassing myself.  From this meager evidence, I took comfort.  Should race-day conditions be lousy, I might just avoid dead last.

For the next couple of days, we concentrated on exploring the natural wonders of Madeira.  Greg and Lori drew the short straws and were sentenced to ride in the backseat of my car.  In the best of circumstances, nobody would accuse me of having a "smooth" or "relaxed" driving style.  Give me a manual transmission and put me on roads that are so steep, narrow, and winding that a burro would balk at traversing them - that's a recipe for adventure.  And acute car sickness.  And a couple of cosmetic(ish) dings.  I may have gotten off on a tangent here (which, fortunately, I avoided while driving).  My point: We enjoyed several sensational hikes in the rugged landscape of Madeira.

Nick and Zach wanted to push for the summit, but we told them to save that pep for race day.

Matt's pretty used to getting out-Gregged by now.

On Wednesday, we got a chance to run the actual course - a 13 mile SSW run from Machico back to Funchal.  You often hear about buses plummeting over cliffs in mountainous countries, so to increase the chances that at least one American would make it to race day, we surreptitiously scheduled Greg for the afternoon shuttle while the rest of us unapologetically clambered onto the morning transport.  While the other guys opted for a light snack in Machico prior to the practice run, Jon and I hit the water immediately...  so that we could bob around for 20 minutes at the muster point a mile offshore.  When the safety boats finally gave us a green light, the downwind did not disappoint.

The offset between the wind and swell was around 30 degrees, providing skilled paddlers with ample options for linking runs.  I know this because I watched such paddlers immediately detach themselves from me.  Like an adorable pre-toddler pondering toddling, I'm at that awkward phase where I know what I should be doing, but lack the coordination, balance, and continence to fully implement my plans.  I had particular difficulty in gauging the precise level of effort required to catch a wave.  Too little, you waste the effort and miss the ride completely.  Obscenities follow.  Too much, you barrel down the face of the wave and bury your nose in the trough.  A brief rush of adrenalin, sure, but obscenities follow.  Just right - and I'm mostly speculating here - you perch just past the crest, haughtily surveying your heaving domain before charging towards your next ride.

Through shear happenstance, I occasionally found myself in the Goldilocks zone.  I managed several nicely linked runs that surpassed anything I'd previously achieved outside of the Gorge.  And even when I wasn't stumbling into success, conditions were favorable enough that I continued to move along smartly for the next 7 miles.  Papa Bear did once catch me napping in the wrong place, though.  I was unceremoniously dumped out of my ski after getting too fancy with my rudder footwork.  Having failed to properly secure my seat pad, sunscreen, and water bladder, it took some time to collect my belongings, but within a half-hour I was back on my way.  Unfortunately, the wind decided to stop cooperating shortly after this.  Within the course of a half-mile, the rideable waves evaporated, leaving a 5 mile upwind slog back to Funchal.  Despite the anti-climactic finish, I was left energized by the amazing downwind portion.

One of the great things about attending the Champs is that it gives world-class athletes (like Dawid Mocke) a chance to talk about funny YouTube videos with the hoi polloi.

When your elaborate Halloween costume backfires and someone mistakes you for the real thing...

On Thursday, the local paddling club sponsored a 2 mile triangular short race that started (and ended - because that's how triangles work) at the mouth of the marina.  Although dozens of paddlers had initially signed up, most wisely decided to forego an all-out sprint less than 24 hours prior to the Championship race.  Matt, Jan, and I weren't blessed with that kind of foresight.  With only 32 skis left in the men's race, however, I was in real danger of logging a DFL.  We're all anxious to get to the big event, so I'll skip the meat of this race and jump to the finish, with the three of us taking consecutive spots 27 through 29 (Matt, me, Jan).  Not exactly great, but also not last.

Matt would surely want me to add that he was surprised by the start while dorking around well behind the line.  He believes that makes it sound like he had a better race than the results indicate, whereas I believe it just makes him sound like a boob.

Because this was a World Championship event, there was a legitimate opening ceremony later that afternoon, complete with a parade of nations through the streets of Funchal.  Although some of us rolled our eyes at Matt's "suggestion" that we have matching USA apparel for the event (what, just me?) and feared the cringe factor of marching in a viewer-less parade, it turned out to be surprisingly cool.  We actually did have spectators, although I suspect that police preventing bewildered pedestrians from crossing through the procession accounted for roughly 99% of the muttering throng.  If for no other reason, the whole affair was worth it to see fair-weather-citizen Jan forced to stand in the sun behind the dais as Poland's flag bearer for an hour's worth of speeches by various officials.

Ana and the boys, ready to bring home glory (Ana) or bask in reflected glory (the boys).

Not realizing that the paparazzi's repeated calls of "Greg!  Greg!" weren't directed at him, poor Greg Greene got so tired from posing that he had to be carried to dinner.

With conditions expected to continue calming through the weekend, the race was scheduled for Friday rather than later in the 3-day race window.  In preparation for the Championships, Matt had assembled a world-class team of meteorologists, oceanographers, bathymetrists, hydrologists, and soothsayers.  Given the ACA's limited budget, he must have some titillating leverage over these experts (there were rumors of unholy acts with sea cucumbers in one instance), because rather than using their combined powers to predict global current and weather patterns, these unfortunate blackmail victims were providing hour-by-hour pin-point forecasts for the south coast of Madeira.  If there was a zephyr localized to an area the size of a tennis court, a ten-foot diameter back-eddy, or a sea god looking to recruit some new worshipers - Team USA would know about them.  With respect to that deity front, you gotta be careful - sometimes an albatross trying to mate with you is just an albatross trying to mate with you.  The consensus outlook was not promising.  We'd enjoy decent downwind conditions for several miles, but to perplexing factors such as nature and science, the majority of the race would likely be upwind and against a significant current. 

The next morning, we were shuttled to Machico several hours before the race start, which gave us plenty of time to pass through the accreditation checkpoint and then desperately search for shade.  I found one promising drainage culvert, but even aggressive paddle poking couldn't dislodge the original French claimants (Non, non!  Trouvez votre propre égout!).  Our team eventually established our own defensible beachhead against a shadowed wall.  With low expectations for my performance, I was feeling pretty relaxed as we whiled away the hours, occasionally snarling at potential shade invaders.

The excitement leading up to the race was almost palpable.

As fellow Bay Staters, Matt and I felt we needed a suitable moniker. We considered "Critical Mass" or "Weapons of Mass Destruction", but in the end went with the catchier "Two Gentlemen from the Commonwealth of Massachusetts".  Really rolls off the tongue.

Eventually it was time to launch.  The 12.8 mile course had us first heading straight offshore for a mile before turning southwest back towards Funchal.  There were 283 skis in the men's field, with an additional 76 women milling about awaiting their subsequent start.  Even with a starting line extending several hundred feet, maneuvering into position necessarily involved a lot of yelling and gesticulating at paddlers who were apparently hell-bent on boxing me out.  I finally elbowed my way into a third-tier post - far enough back to keep out of the way of the contenders, but close enough that I could make a credible claim that I raced against them.  The starting horn sounded before I had a chance to even survey my neighbors.

I was unprepared for the chaos that immediately enveloped me.  The paddlers in front of me had whipped the ocean to a boil, while those alongside were wide-eyed with panic, futilely trying to avoid my unpredictable lurches to the sides.  It was my first experience in Class III rapids, but I acquitted myself admirably - assuming success is measured by instilling enough fear in other boaters for them to provide a wide enough berth to thrash about in comfortably.  After the first minute or so, I mostly avoided additional paddle-paddle, paddle-boat, boat-boat, and paddle-paddler contact.  I don't recall any paddler-paddler contact, but I was surprised at one point to find myself chewing gum.

It was almost impossible to pick me out of the field...

...until I remembered to enable my boat's "highlight" feature.

When drafting, they always teach you to put your bow in the other guys bucket.

As we got closer to the downwind turn, the beam wind and waves increased.  It became increasingly difficult to hold a straight course, particularly with my short-and-sassy 540.  Fortunately, the density of boats was decreasing correspondingly, such that the peril of collision remained roughly constant.  I was nevertheless relieved when we finally reached the turn buoy.  With a swell in the 4-6 foot range and a 10 mph breeze at our back, conditions were excellent from my perspective, but certainly disappointing to the more experienced downwinders.

As the field around me hurtled ahead like starships engaging their warp drives, it quickly became obvious that the downwind phase would be one of damage control.  I couldn't stop the bleeding, but perhaps I could apply enough pressure on the ego to prevent utter demoralization.  I worked the waves with growing confidence, occasionally even settling into a groove.  Paddlers were still passing me and pulling away, but at least now I could make out their features - they weren't just streaks of color.  In a way, that was unfortunate, because I'm pretty sure I could now see them laughing at me.  So I was glad to see a friendly face a few minutes into the downwind.  The women had started several minutes after us, and Ana had already made up the gap - apparently in the lead.  I shouted encouragement as she coasted by, proud of my imaginary role as her sacrificial pace-setter.

Matt's crack squad of prognosticators had made it clear that we'd want to minimize our total distance by heading directly for the next point rather than chasing bigger waves further from shore.  Watching scores of skis pulling ahead while heading out to sea made it difficult to stick to an inside passage strategy, but I kept repeating my pride-shattering mantra: "It's only because they're far superior paddlers".  And, to mix things up, "You are to them as the possum is to the cougar".  I definitely need a new guru.  I stayed true to my goal, however.  And when, 5 miles into the race, the wind swung abruptly around to our faces and the opposing current kicked in, I was able to defiantly shout "Possum has become cougar!"  Fortunately, everyone was way too far ahead (and aside) to hear.

Here's a screenshot of the GPS tracking app 6 miles into the race.  I'm near the top in the center, with Jan and Jon in the jumbles below.  The leaders are currently 17 screen swipes ahead.

Theoretically, conditions had swung to my wheelhouse.  Although it defies logic, I've spent 90% of my career racing hours battling some combination of wind, waves, current, otters, tide, suckwater, seaweed, and fishing lines.  Even when some of those factors were technically helping me, I was still battling them.  This relentless and unjust adversity has turned me into a grinder.  While most view that as a pejorative term - a thinly veiled euphemism for someone with poor technique, but who petulantly refuses to either quit or improve - I see myself as a proud brand ambassador.  Grinders unite!  Today we would show our strength by performing ever-so-slightly better than we would in more technical conditions!  I'll admit, however, that it was difficult to maintain that sunny optimism when my gloomy Gus of a GPS insisted I was barely breaking 5 mph.

Progress was slow, but through dogged effort and, more importantly, considerable grumbling, I salmoned my way upstream towards the end.  After clearing the imposing Garuajau headland, the finish was finally visible, but still 3.5 miles away.  I had been seeing fewer and fewer competitors, but got a exquisite view of #209 as he passed close by with a couple of miles remaining.  My one chance to beat someone, now gone!  Over the next mile, I gradually resigned myself to finishing in last place.  But then, up ahead, I saw a poor soul floundering in a Fenn - clearly afflicted with a terminal case of balance fatigue.  Oh, blessed Gods!  This poor sap's misfortune would be my salvation, lifting me from my own Hell.  Even at his compromised pace, it took me 15 minutes to pass the Fenn, adding the heavy DFL burden to his own torment.  Newly energized (mentally, I mean - I didn't actually get any faster), I worked my way triumphantly around the final two buoys and into the marina to complete my race.

Exhausted, I bobbed among my fellow not-quite-last paddlers.  As the penultimate finisher, I was perplexed by the stream of racers that continued to cross the finish line behind me.  It took me a few moments, but with a jolt my worldview shifted.  I hadn't done that badly.  I was hardly a threat to Gordan (who, at 1:27:32, had finished almost 45 minutes ahead), but my 2:11:02 landed me at 210th of the 283 men who competed, and 7th of 18 in the 55-59 age group.  Although the conditions weren't particularly suited to her style, Ana was the clear stand-out of the Americans, finishing as the 3rd overall woman at 1:45:17.  The team order was: Ana, Borys, Zach, Nick, Matt, me, Greg, (Jan), Jonathan.

At the finish, my GPS watch informed me that my recovery time was 118 days.

Jan was such a hit at our house party that the Midwest squad politely retracted my honorary membership and awarded it to him.

Matt, of course, wants you to know that he was caught unprepared, well behind the line at the start.  Photographic evidence confirms his shocking claim.  He'd like me to also note that, despite his ongoing boob-ery, he beat me by 9 minutes.

We made the best of the two days we had remaining in Madeira, continuing to explore the natural wonders of the island.  On Saturday, we hosted the extended team for dinner at our house.  As with any gathering they attend, entertainment was provided by Jan and his wife, Renata.  Representing the US in an international competition (even if you put quotes around "representing" and add an asterisk disclaimer) was great.  But being able to share the experience with a gang of friends - old and new - that's what made it truly special.  Also, these really delicious cheese pastries we found.

Blackburn Challenge: Odyssey

When you've been paddling competitively for a certain number of years, the races tend to run together.  But the Blackburn Challenge always stands out in your memory.  And among those races, certain Blackburns are seared into our collective consciousness, universally referenced by simple monikers.  The Rough One.  The Hot One.  The One I Shouldn't Have Eaten a Huge Breakfast Burrito Right Before.  Nobody doubts that the 2024 Blackburn will be added to this pantheon.  I spent the better part of a day workshopping names involving cool terms like "atmospheric condensate" and "compromised visibility", but in the end, I settled for the lowest common denominator.  The Foggy One.

I've been on the Blackburn podium several times, but the top step has eluded me.  Every year I hope for the stars to align in my favor, but since the Cape Ann Rowing Club has repeatedly rejected my requests for veto power over registrants, I'm doomed to compete instead under the black cloud of misfortune.  This year I counted no less than 5 paddlers who would almost surely finish ahead of me.  This list contained 3 previous Blackburn winners - South African Ian Black (2019), Rob Jehn (2021, 2023), and Ed Joy (1996, 1998, 1999, 2001).  Other contenders for the crown included Rob Foley and Matt Drayer, both of whom have been force-feeding me humble pie this season.  I had also heard frightening things about young sprinter Sam Rhodes, although this would be his first ocean race.

At the captain's meeting, we reviewed the basics.  Racers would circumnavigate Cape Ann in a clockwise direction, starting in the Annisquam River and ending 19.5 miles later in Gloucester Harbor.  The skies were overcast, with 10-15 mph winds blowing from the southwest.  On a playful closing note, we were notified of a great white sighting along the course the previous day.  Opportunistic vendors at the launch made a killing on shark repellent, tourniquet kits, and blindfolds.  Once a dozen earlier waves had been launched down the Annisquam - including one with 7 double skis - the 24 singles lined up for our start.  After a lot of confusion about whether racer #45 was present (turns out I was), the starter sent us off.

I doubted that I could keep up with the leaders even for a few seconds, and that proved to be the case.  Ian, Ed, and Rob J made an early break, with Rob F in pursuit.  After a few minutes of jostling, Nick Robison, Sam, and I settled into the next chase group.  This was Nick's first ever race, and he had started paddling less than a year ago, but fortunately I wouldn't become aware of those demoralizing facts until afterwards.  I might also have felt a little guilty taking advantage of his generosity in pulling me (and Sam) for the first 10 minutes of the race.  Nope... that sounds nothing like me.  As we lined up for the final bend in the Annisquam, I swung left and moved past Nick and Sam.  Sam followed on my wash, but Nick took a different line and started to drop back.

The lead trio split into a duo, with Rob J chasing.  Sam and I were closing on Rob F, but we wouldn't catch him until leaving the river and passing the Annisquam light.  He hung with us for a while, but dropped off after a few moments - marshaling his resources for the long race, I imagined.  I had no such long-term strategy.  Which is probably why, for the next six miles, I did the majority of the pulling.  Sam's turns in the lead were noticeably faster than mine, but also much smarter (by which I mean: shorter).

With little wind on the north side of Cape Ann, I was getting a little toasty.  Relief was right around Halibut Point, however, as we started heading southeast across Sandy Bay towards the halfway point, a cool breeze now in our face.  Reaching the safety boat at Straitsmouth, we yelled out our numbers (actually, I yelled out Rob J's, hoping to get him DQed under the broad "Unspecified shenanigans" clause).  In return, we were met with frantic arm-waving and shouts that I couldn't quite make out.  Maybe "Your dog is dead!", which was technically true, but 40-odd years too late to be breaking news.

If they added a few intermediate postures, Sam and I could be the end points on one of those "Evolution of Man" diagrams.  (Photo courtesy of Phil Sachs)

Shortly thereafter, Sam warned me that Rob was catching us and that "there's also some creep lurking further back in a black boat".  That had all the earmarks of Matt.  Rob soon joined us.  With 12 miles under our belt, I still felt relatively fresh.  That is, until I realized that the difference between my 57 years and the combined lifetimes of Sam and Rob left enough extra time to produce a bottle of 12 year old scotch, some well-marbled blue cheese, and several seasons of a brooding Norwegian detective show.  I suspected that those spirited moppets might finish with slightly more vigor than I could muster.  After gamely hanging with them for the next mile or so, I watched the youngsters move ahead and dissolve into misty obscurity.  Given my advanced age, I wasn't particularly surprised at developing cataracts, but the sudden onset over the course of just a few minutes was slightly alarming.

It took me a moment (as would be expected in my dotage) to reconcile the warning shouted from the safety boat at Straitsmouth with my incipient blindness.  "Fog ahead!"  Both mental and physical, it seems.  I was soon enveloped in an otherworldly mist.  Unfortunately, the arrival of the fog coincided with the leg that required we navigate a 3 mile open stretch during which a straight-line path would leave us at least a half-mile from shore.  With shifting visibility in the 100 to 500 feet range, there'd be no landmarks for navigation.

We've had a number of fog-bound races in New England over the past decade, but those have been modest affairs where the loss of, say, ten percent of the field wouldn't raise a public outcry (particularly if one were to select those 1.7 missing paddlers carefully).  Should 20 people go AWOL, however, you can bet the Gloucester Times would have a field day with the debacle.  Some of the more prepared competitors had GPS waypoints or compasses to guide them.  Others wisely decided to hug the shoreline, knowingly adding nearly a mile to their circumnavigation in exchange for not being featured in the full-color In Memoriam insert.  And then there was the "How hard can it be?" crowd, who figured they could dead reckon a straight line through the limbo.

It should go without saying that I was an enthusiastic member of the know-nothing camp.  Fortunately, the misguided confidence in my navigational skills initially worked in my favor.  I missed the "turn off" at Lands End that would send me into open water, inadvertently following the shore for an extra 3/4 of a mile before heading out to sea.  This shifted the crossing closer to shore, which allowed me to use the distant sound of crashing breakers to my right as a guide.  And by keeping the incoming swell (from the southeast) on my left, I hoped to maintain a consistent southwest bearing.

Something they don't tell you about paddling in the fog (probably because they assume that the one thing they do tell you - don't - should be enough) is the amount of second guessing you'll experience.  Usually I decide on a course of action and then ride that decision to its inevitably disastrous outcome.  But now I would repeatedly say to myself (aloud, mind you, to help break the eeriness) "You've got the line now!", only to be convinced moments later that I'd be making landfall on a different continent.  Perhaps one that doesn't even exist in our normal space-time continuum.  This uncertainty also impacts motivation.  It's difficult to maintain a competitive drive when you're 90% sure you're paddling in the wrong direction.  Also, when you're already in purgatory, hard work and clean living are no longer going to earn you any credit.  Which helps explains all the swearing and boozing.

Like they always say, the camera adds 100 feet of visibility.  It felt even foggier than this.

I paddled alone through the void, no sign of fellow man.  Time was now without meaning, but at some "future" point the Back Shore of Gloucester loomed colorlessly into view.  I'd discover later that my open water path had been more EKG-like than you'd prefer, but in broad strokes you could describe it as linear.  I could now feel my way along the coast, making frequent course corrections to avoid a rocky end to the race.  I finally started to encounter other racers and/or spectral manifestations, materializing from the haze ahead.  I was tempted to test their corporeality by passing straight through one of them, but then remembered how difficult it is to remove ectoplasm from neoprene.

After turning one corner (maybe... who can tell?), I was surprised to see Sam and Rob emerge from the gloom.  Giving them the benefit of the doubt as to their physical reality, I assumed that they had squandered some of their zest in taking a longer open water path.  This hypothesis was bolstered by the fact that when I first saw them, the two paddlers were literally heading at right angles to one another.  I wondered for a moment if a lost child had been reported in the area - splitting up for such a search seemed the most likely explanation for such behavior.  Since Rob seemed to be paddling directly for shore (which was, granted, invisible) I decided to follow Sam.  With any luck, I'd be out of earshot by the time Rob met his doom.

Sam would have surely melted into the fog had he not been pathfinding - zigging right to find the shore, then zagging back to avoid the same.  A half-dozen lengths back, I could just make out his wandering silhouette, allowing me to average his deviations to an approximation of a straight line.  After an interminable span tailing Sam in this manner, the Dog Bar breakwater eventually appeared - an unmistakable milestone that would guide us to the entrance of Gloucester Harbor.  Without navigational challenges to slow him down, Sam started to pull away.

I was clinging onto fifth place entering the harbor, but was almost immediately knocked another notch down by Rob, who apparently had managed to avoid being shipwrecked.  With nearly two miles of open water separating the Dog Bar from the Greasy Pole, many racers once again had their heads in the (surface-level) clouds with no concrete target.  As Matt's GPS track later revealed, a few minutes later he would do a full loop within the harbor - disoriented and seasick.  I was fortunate to have a fading string of boats ahead.  Assuming that somewhere sufficiently further up the procession, someone could actually see the finish, our well-spaced fleet would also arrive there safely.  Of course, like a game of telephone, a few distortions were inevitable as the bearings were relayed visually down the line.  My track was vaguely sinusoidal, but got me safely to a 6th place finish without excessive meandering.

Ian had finished first, clocking in at 2:49:54.  Of course, as an aquatic demigod, he has celestial seafaring resources (no, not GPS - the mystical kind) unavailable to the rest of us.  Despite taking a longer coastal route, Ed and Rob finished only 6 and 7.5 minutes behind Ian, respectively, to claim the other podium spots.  Jean Kostelich defended her SS20+ women's title, with Emerson Yang taking the men's award in that category.  In their first ocean race, seasoned flatwater team Joel Pekosz & Chris Weaver destroyed the course, putting in the fastest time of the day at 2:45:23.  In the SS20+ double's race, Bernie Romanowski & Andrew Metz won as the fifth overall surfski.

Five-sixths of the SS20+ doubles podium.  Apprehensive about blowing his witness relocation cover, Igor opted to make himself scarce.

Of course, a race report wouldn't be complete without a well-composed photo of the winner.  That's Ian on the far left with the expressive eyes.

The typical post-Blackburn discussion topics - bad boat choices, funny hats worn by racers, the proletariat's role in post-industrial societies, etc. - were swept away by fog tales.  In the topsy-turvy world, competitors compared distances rather than times, with bragging rights secured by those with the longest trips.  The minority of well-prepared paddlers with GPS guidance were shunned by the clueless daredevils.  These sad pariahs stood mutely by as the rest of us swapped tales of staggering navigational incompetence and giggled over the outrageous tracks shared on our phones.  The median distance was probably in the 20.6 mile range (a mile and change longer than usual), but some intrepid explorers logged well over 22 miles.  Legendary waterman Dana Gaines, with 30+ Blackburns under his belt, showed off his skills by writing messages (in Greek, no less) with his GPS track.  Eli pioneered a new overland route via the sandy causeway linking Salt Island to the mainland - possibly setting himself up for a more extended portage from Good Harbor Beach to Gloucester Inner Harbor in 2025.  We were each Odysseus, searching endlessly for home.

OK, there was also some talk about Ed's ridiculous hat.

The inaugural Bay State Games Paddling Competition is up next this Sunday (July 21) at Wollaston Beach in Quincy, MA, but if you haven't already registered you're gonna have to settle for spectating.  Or, more likely, sleeping in.  However, you can still get in on the New England Paddlesports Championship (register at PaddleGuru) on Sunday, July 28.  This 12 mile course on the Connecticut River in Hinsdale, NH promises to be not only fun, but dangerously close to the excellent pubs across the river in Brattleboro.